I remember when the doctor said I passed the threat of going into a coma, I was relieved and terrified how easily everything could be taken away. When my senses came back and my arms weren’t numb my migraines remained for weeks to warn me just how close I was. Its funny because secretly I was ready. Nothing could have prepared me for the emotional impact I would get when I was healing. Happy to be alive even if I couldn’t focus, see straight or even be awake for more than an hour without a piercing head ache. Being alone and fighting through the pain and the fear of not waking up, of not getting full control of my arms was a feeling I cant define.
Life is different, I care less about impacts, I care less about keeping ties, I just want to live and be happy. Who ever enters or leaves my life is a gift of time.
School stress, work stress, stress from other peoples actions don’t weigh much. They all mean nothing.
Life means nothing if you’re not happy, and fuck everyone who tries to take you’re happiness away because they have no idea whats waiting for them.
Everyone is human, everyone will die, and making anyones short experience not worth living is wasting the possible last minutes of your life on something that is by all weight pointless.
I spent too many days drinking and crying, I want to spend the remainder drinking water, having naps and tearing up over happy thoughts. There is no such thing as boredom or loneliness if you’re choosing to live you’re life.
I don’t want to forget what it felt like to be fading out of consciousness in a hospital bed with my family waiting for me to come home and my mother laying next to me. I smiled all night into the next day when everything got worse because time was slow and nothing mattered. I didn’t know what was coming next but I was satisfied with how I was and the way my life was turning out, Ive never felt so alone since because I don’t feel like the same person. I’m alone, but everything is going to be okay because I’ve tried my best and the only person I need to please anymore is myself. Nothing, and no one is worth an ounce of stress because everything and everyone has an end.